What is a cry help other than a person at their wits end? Technically you could say I was going through a med change and it was really rough. I still choose to see it another way, and my med situation has greatly improved--Or has it? Well, I'm a lot less agitated by the loud people that come out of the bar next to my apartment. Had they really been saying my name and harassing me? Logically, NO. We'll chalk it up to med change. There I said it.
Now out with my truth.
There is really no doubt in my mind that the people from the bars and surrounding houses were harassing me. And there was really no doubt in my mind about it when I went so far as to call the police about it.
The call went something like this:
ME: Officer I'm being harassed. People are stalking me.
Officer: Are you letting them into your house?---Don't let them in.
ME: No, my house is always locked but they have keys and come in and move things.
Officer: I see, Do these people say your name?
ME: Yes, they say my name and rude things.
Officer: *Almost Chuckles* This is a mental health issue. Do you take meds?
ME: Yes, and I see a doctor. But this is for real.
Officer: I can't help you with this--call your doctor.
I hang up frustrated and agitated. A little time passes with more yelling from the bars and I'm furious!
Maybe if I talk to an officer in person they will believe me.
At the police station, the lady at the window calls an officer to talk too and tells me to wait. When the officer arrives unfortunately for me it is the same one I spoke with on the phone. I'm sitting in the breeze way of the police station and the officer is standing over me in very police man fashion.
I plead my case all over again, trying to appear as sane as possible. Giving him the "you got to believe me look, and the please help me, save me look." All the while trying not to notice how attractive he is.
(something like Adonis in a uniform, with a badge and gun....I really am going to burn in hell for the subsequent fantasies....even now I am lecturing myself...Beth, he has a very serious job to do, being a police man is a very noble profession.....goddamn it this isn't working...he still looks like a sex toy.)
Anyway, more pleading and arguing my sanity, but it doesn't work. Again he explains there is nothing the police can do. This pisses me off. I get angry because I know how crazy I sound and half because I know he's placating a crazy person.
I'm suddenly all too aware how stupid this attempt to be heard is. I get up and start to leave saying, "this is so stupid."
The officer thinks I called him stupid, and in his most STOP or I'll say STOP again voice he says, "now you're calling me stupid?" the tone of his voice warning, and do you know how stupid it is to insult an officer? (it probably took me a week to get over my disappointment at not being believed, until I figured out how hot this police man was, he even said my name in the voice *orgasm*..yeah i know, twisted and yeah I hear Satan saying my name now too)... I mutter back that he's not stupid, but my life is and anything I try to do about it.
BUT- here is the stupid part...
This officer thinks I'm completely off my rocker right? And without so much as a call to my doctor or anything, he lets me go on my merry mental way...
Now I've had case managers tell me over and over again that people can not tell I have an illness by looking at me. What can you tell by looking at someone? How could this officer know I was harmless? And just let this crazy person go? The "what if" scenerio goes like this: The crazy person goes home disappointed and probably more tormented and attempts suicide. Now the Officer is "hassled" again by a trip to the ER and possibly the mental hospital. Or maybe the crazy person loses it and starts some kind of violence. Is there really nothing they can do? Especially, when this crazy person is making a cry for help....well, at this point there is nothing we can do...
Next time I'm going to be like, let's skip the drama and how about a ride to the ER sexy?
Honestly, shoot me, taze me, beat me, cuff me, stuff me, I"M GUILTY...DO something!
But NO, There's nothing we can do, Now on your merry MENTAL way.
Next story: 2 cops and ER nurse
Again I'll state: I do not cry wolf. When and If I go to the ER I'm really at my wits end. This particular time I was very suicidal and really thinking I was going to do something extremely stupid.
Arriving at the ER there are 2 cops parked out front. Apparently they take potentially violent seriously this time. The officers are standing in the waiting room when I walk in. From the looks of me and the cold stares of them, you could almost hear them say, "Ah, this is the one. Do anything stupid and I'll shoot!"
I'm taken to a room, which is stripped bare. We can't have suicidal people playing with sharp objects. The door is left open so the police men can keep an eye on the "psycho." The nurses station is right in front of my room. As the police man walks into my view I hear him say, "I'd like to HURT HER." To which the nurse replies something about how she's had enough of psychos for one night.
I guess in the boonies, where I live one can not expect people to be very picky about who they give guns&badges to, or nursing licenses. But then again who would put their lives on the line to "serve" these "degenerate psychos"? They are happy they have a jobs, you can not expect them to honor the description.
But by God, the police officer and the nurse had agreed on one thing. This person (suicidal or not) is definitely not worth our time and effort! And for that they were so pleased with themselves and happily flirted with each other all starry eyed like they just met their soul mate.
Meanwhile back in the stripped bare room the suicidal person is watching, rolling her eyes...trying not hear "Let's get it on" in her head.
I can hear my friend Meg say, "For Real, Beth, did they say that for real?"
No Meg, it's all in my twisted head....just forget about it....I try too.
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